Why Manners Matter for Morality

Reason behind Virtues, Love Languages, and Vices

You might think, “Why are you bringing up virtues, love languages, and vices while addressing manners?” Manners are at the center of a virtuous, selfless heart.

Suppose you think you are doing things that are good manners, but are very self-centred or rooted in evil behaviour, focusing on benefiting a sense of false truth in society. In that case, there is a discrepancy between the actions and the goodness they obtain. Virtue ethics has a moral truth and foundation; we must remain rooted in it while practicing good manners.

One needs to understand how manners serve the needs of others and themselves in society. In that case, having a moral conscience to achieve an objective truth as an end goal is essential.

A conscience formed in charitable politeness and humble service will ensure that actual manners are lived out. We don’t want to mistake our actions for good manners when committing a vice. 

What does the word "manners" mean?

The word “manners” derives from the Latin word “manuarius,” which means "belonging to the hand, method."

You can also examine its Old-French roots, where it originates from the word “maniere,” which translates to “fashion, method, manner, way; appearance, bearing; custom.”

If we examine the oldest custom and method of living a life in charity, as guided by moral law, while maintaining a good appearance in society, it is the Biblical teaching. 

Scripture explained

Scripture gives us clear guidance on how to live virtuously and lovingly. God instructs us in a couple of different places in Scripture.

“A new commandment I give unto you: That you love one another, as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this shall all men know that you are my disciples, if you love one for another.” John 13: 34-35

This verse echoes the commandment to “love thy neighbour as thyself,” as referenced in my definition of etiquette in A Parent’s Manual (Book 2 in the series).

Everything we do should be rooted in charity, serving each other wholeheartedly, as God’s living body on earth. (see 1 Corinthians 12:1–31)

This is how we apply Christ’s teachings to daily life and avoid falling into sin through ill-mannered or thoughtless behaviour. Virtuous manners serve as a moral compass, always pointing us toward our highest good: heaven.

Let us also reflect on Mark 9:41–47, which underscores the serious responsibility parents bear in passing on biblical truths to their children, and the consequences of neglecting to do so: 

41 And whosoever shall scandalize one of these little ones that believe in me; it were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he were cast into the sea. 42 And if thy hand scandalize thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter into life, maimed, than having two hands to go into hell, into unquenchable fire: 43 Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not extinguished. 44 And if thy foot scandalize thee, cut it off. It is better for thee to enter lame into life everlasting, than having two feet, to be cast into the hell of unquenchable fire: 45 Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not extinguished. 46 And if thy eye scandalize thee, pluck it out. It is better for thee with one eye to enter into the kingdom of God, than having two eyes to be cast into the hell of fire: 47 Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not extinguished.

In Mark 9:41, Jesus warns of the grave consequences of leading children astray.

The term “scandal” comes from the Greek “skandalon,” which means “a trap or snare laid for an enemy.”  (Dashiell, David)

Catechism of the Catholic Church Breakdown

In the Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC) 2248, it defines scandal as

“an attitude or behaviour which leads another to do evil. The person who gives scandal becomes his neighbour’s tempter. He damages virtue and integrity; he may even draw his brother into spiritual death.”  CCC 2248

It is a strong teaching that once we hear about the message of virtue through Scripture and understand what manners are necessary, we must pass it down to future generations, not preventing them from coming to know these teachings, so that souls do not unnecessarily end up in hell.

In sections 2286 & 2287 of the CCC, it states:

"Scandal can be provoked by laws or institutions, by fashion or opinion. Therefore, they are guilty of scandal who establish laws or social structures leading to the decline of morals and the corruption of religious practice, or to "social conditions that, intentionally or not, make Christian conduct and obedience to the Commandments difficult and practically impossible. [...] Anyone who uses the power at his disposal in such a way that it leads others to do wrong becomes guilty of scandal and responsible for the evil that he has directly or indirectly encouraged. "Temptations to sin are sure to come; but woe to him by whom they come!""

This is why it is so important to avoid the sin of scandal. If we let vices that bring about evil creep into our laws, institutions, fashions, and opinions, then we are going to be suffering the eternal flames of hell and death.

Moral death is something we shouldn’t want for anyone. We should want rightly ordered souls that are rooted in virtue and charity, not vices. 

Jesus continues this teaching in Mark 9: 44-47 to say that if our children are walking down a path that is going to lead to hell, or viewing things with their eyes that lead them to sins of impurity, it is better we cut off the the source than to keep going them from going down the path that leads them away from truth.

I address this in my Parents' Book in the section, “Beware of Desensitization,” to show how things can creep into our lives that will pull us away from good moral behaviours and ruin our manners.

However, we must realize that the devil is at large.

“Be sober and watch: because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, goeth about seeking whom he may devour.” 1 Peter 5: 8

We must stay firm and be prepared for battle. Be good moral teachers to our children, and as vigilant in prayer as Daniel (Daniel 6: 1-28), where the mouths of the lion shut themselves and don’t consume us out of our innocence, piety, and charity.

For our children to be safeguarded as well, we must teach them how to discern the moral law through manners by naming the virtues and love languages to them so they see how everything is rooted in charity and on our hearts as God designed us. When we instruct them by appealing to reason, the moral code written on their hearts hears it to be true and will make efforts to live it out.

Why Manners Matter eBook

I have created the “Why Manners Matter" book, providing people with a resource on how virtues can be lived out in excellence to guide discernment through manners.

Additionally, it illustrates how an action can fall into the vice of excess or deficiency, which are not aligned with proper manners but lead to sin and potentially commit the sin of scandal. This will help teach moral objective truths and have rightly ordered manners. 

I hope you will benefit from these explanations and learn to live a life of well-ordered manners through virtue and charity. 

I will list the virtues and love languages in alphabetical order. I will describe how someone can fall into a state of deficiency or excess and explain how to achieve balance through moral excellence.

In the rest of my books in this series, "How to Teach Manners that Nurture a Virtuous Heart," I highlight how each action or interaction brings about a virtue in excellence and the dangers of the vices.

You can reference this book to see how your family members may fall into a vice if it is not aligned with proper manners, as a guide to help you return to moral truths and virtuous excellence.