Church Time Peace: Proven Strategies for Helping Children 'Stay Engaged'
Church Time Peace: Proven Strategies for Helping Children 'Stay Engaged'
When you get to Church on Sunday, do your children sit still the whole time?
If they don't, do they try pulling any of these things off:
Cry suddenly or loudly.
Wiggle or try to escape the pew.
Drop toys or books repeatedly.
Throw snacks or objects.
Bang on the pew or kneelers.
Crawl or walk down the aisle.
“I want a snack!”
“I have to go potty!”
“Can we go home?”
“That’s loud!”
“Where’s Jesus?”
“All done!”
Do any of these resonate with you? 🙋♀️🙋♂️
Do you try to tell yourself any of these things as coping strategies?
“They’re just too young to sit still.”
“It’s normal for kids to be disruptive; nothing can be done.”
“They’ll grow out of it eventually.”
“Church is too boring for children to understand.”
“If I bring snacks and toys, that’s enough.”
“Other parents’ kids must just be easier.”
“Correcting behaviour in church is too harsh or distracting.”
“God doesn’t expect children to participate.”
“It’s not worth the fight every week.”
“The church should be entertaining to hold their attention.”
“I’ll focus on training them when they’re older.”
“If they’re quiet with a device, it’s fine.”
“As long as we show up, how they behave doesn’t matter.”
If you have, you're not alone. There is a better way for your family to pray reverently and piously. Give God His due reverence, and let Him rejoice in you being great guests in His house! 😇
What if I told you, the key is in the Church bag?
Yes, a different bag aside from the diaper bag...but it helps!
As a wise Church momma said to me while I was expecting my first child,
"Don't be underprepared for Church. Have a Church bag of things that can help your child focus on holy things while their attention span is short. Work with their milestones. Between 4-5 years old, they will have the discipline to sit quietly and pray. Save your sanity and peace. Only leave the Church when they have those top-of-the-lung cries. Everything else, strengthen their ability to be present with God."
Yes, children under 4 are masters at escape artist techniques. It always happens when you look away for that split second—every time. They will need to run and crawl.
Pace yourself and only make 1 - 2 breaks outside the Church Nave during Mass. Make sure the breaks are no longer than 5 minutes. If you keep responding to your child's cues of "if I do this (running, screaming, etc.), it means I get to leave to go to a basement or cry room."
Could you watch the pattern and gently ensure there are no more breaks after that? If they are trying to get the response, they must leave as they want. We want to encourage them to be fully present in the Mass, not the basement.
I am here to share ideas on what you could carry in your Church / Mass bags to encourage children to engage in quiet activities during their first four years of development. This will help strengthen fleshly desires and fixate on holy ones.
Snacks aren't how you get them to stay silent in Church; it is discipline and holy engagement. Even though children are exempt from the fasting rule, it is best to teach them how to train their flesh not to eat during the one hour of Mass. Please encourage snacks before, but not during Mass. Let their hearts know something far greater is happening than getting that cracker.
Our How to Teach Manners that Nurture a Virtuous Heart book series has a "Prayer Formalities" chapter that discusses age-appropriate strategies and items for Mass training your child.
Infants (6-18 months)
Silicone Items & Bag
If you pray the rosary at home with them and put a silicone rosary in front of them, telling them it is quiet time. The visual cue of that rosary will mentally trigger quiet behaviour in your child on Sunday. It becomes "silicone rosary = quiet time."
Ensure your teething rings are on hand for the new teeth. The last thing you want is them chewing on the pew.
Soft Saints
As they grow into playing pick-up and want hands-on things to play with and occasionally throw 🥴, having these soft saint dolls is an excellent way for them to interact with things in Mass that don't make loud sounds while in use.
OR, if you want a fun DIY project and want to make some yourself, you can use this Saint fabric here!
Board & Soft Books
Having some board books on hand is also helpful if they want to flip through books or hymnals, but you don't want them to damage the pages. Having durable books that infants can have will make them feel included since they have a book just like you!
Also, you can have soft books that they can interact with in Mass. It can keep them engaged during tummy time, back play time, or while they sit on your lap.
Infants (18 mos - 36 mos)
Flap Board Books
As they become more fidgety, you need things they can interact with with their hands. Keeping holy images and items on hand is essential to fix their attention in some sacred way.
Little busy hands do better with interactive books. By having flap board books, you give them something to explore, interact with, and learn. Board books about the faith are great ways for infants to engage in Mass while obtaining wisdom and knowledge about their faith!
Interactive Items
Some great ideas are any of these ring card sets: Divine Mercy, Saints, Catholic Prayers, Rosary, Mass, and Stations of the Cross. They can flip through them, pray along with them, play with them, or chew on the ring part.
Mass Memory cards are an excellent way for your child to interact with the Mass quietly and respectfully. They can find a card, quietly point to where they see it in Mass, and learn its importance when they read the explanation on the card. It is interactive and educational.
Toddlers (2-3 years old)
Church I Spy
Get them involved and interact with their environment. The more they can pick up with things around them, the more they will be playfully "forced" to engage in what is happening in the Church.
Doing a Church I Spy is helpful for children to seek knowledge about their environment in Church. It teaches them their colours and numbers as well.
Want a copy? Click the link below, and we will email it to you!
You can print it off and laminate it. Bring a whiteboard marker every Sunday to mark things off, erase, and do it again next week!
Activity Books
As their attention span increases, they can sit down in the pew and have something interactive they would do in the pew.
Here are a couple of suggestions for sticker and colouring books!
My Mass & Saint colouring books have excellent illustrations that they can colour in.
Pray by Sticker—Mass book is a creative, interactive way for your child to use stickers to create art of what they see in Mass. When they have their quiet hour, have them design the pages and tell you what they remember about this item in the Church. You can educate them later on what purpose it has within the Church.
Please remember: we don't vandalize God's house and furniture. If stickers and crayons may make their way off the page, please be mindful when introducing these things and watch their little hands closely. To be safe, please default to etching sketch pads if you know it's a risk for your child and use these tools for at-home education.
Children (4-5 years old)
Mass Journal & Book
As children age and can sit for more extended periods, their attention spans can shift away from toys and toward books.
Know Your Mass is a phenomenal book that explains the Mass in great detail. It has captivating art and rich theology, and it is written in a comic book conversation style, with the guardian angel and priest explaining the Mass. It is a must-have for every family. I have gifted one to every Godchild.
Mass Reflection Journal is a great way to keep your little ones engaged mentally during Mass while giving them a tool to reflect on the Mass actively. It is also an excellent resource for those little ones eager to write or draw what they learn!
There you go!
We hope this was helpful and brings peace to your time in Church.
Let us know what stood out to you, your questions, and what has worked. Let's make it through prayer in Church peacefully again.
PS. If you want to know how to get them to stay seated in Church, visit our blog about our top 5 tips and tricks!
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Email us at: info@raisingwellmanneredchildren.com
